Still here volume 3

Chemo is a massive bag of smashed dicks. That's all. That's all I'm saying on it. 

Moving on...

Life's a funny game isn't it? Journeys and destinations are what interest me; that and time, well, how we perceive and experience it. 

The journeys thing:

I don't want to get too deep or philosophical but (cue twatty rambling) are we really on a journey through life? If we are, then the final destination is the same for all of us, regardless of where we start from or which turns we take, who we travel with or how fast we choose to go. I like that. Sounds a bit too quick, though. Like most journeys and destinations in life, we always seem to be in a hurry to get there. 

Maybe we need to slow right down and meander through life with the stroll of an observer drinking it all in. 

"Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it."

Ferris Bueller

All on the same journey, then. All playing the same game. Different trains on different tracks chugging along - perhaps waving through the windows at each other. 🥹 👋👋

I've no idea where this is heading now. I've started tapping letters into words and watching them appear on the page and it's gone a bit surreal or drifting into daftness. 

This would usually be where one (I) would delete all of the above and restart with a bit more focus on what I was going to say, but I'm going to leave it as it is. 

Time:

Huge concept and just blows your mind when you dig into it. My own understanding of time is limited at best. However, I steer towards the idea that it is experienced in different ways. 

Life can be long and you may live to a ripe old age, and I sincerely hope that is the case for everyone; or it can be shorter, much shorter for some and cruelly so. I'm not talking about myself with that bit, I mean the very young - the too soon by any understanding. 

For me, knowing that things are unlikely to change from what we know, I've begun...begun isn't the right word or true; I'd began to accept a long time ago that how I perceived time and how I had used it or filled it was, to some degree, comforting and calming. It was a way of convincing myself that, in the time I was here, I did stuff, lots of stuff. I met people and made many social circles that were important and lasting. I've had many interesting jobs and was, if I say so myself, pretty good at them. I have a family and I've been a good Dad - as much as I may beat myself up from time to time about it, on the whole, I/we have raised (and raising) great kids. That time I've had was used well. I've crammed a lot in. I did stuff and was here. I'm not saying I've left an indelible mark, but I was here and I made a difference to some people. 

I could live to 99 and have had one dull, monotonous, job, a cup full of friends and perhaps no wife or children. In terms of life lived, I've been incredibly lucky and packed in quite a bit. 

Jobs:

I mentioned my employment history above and thought it worth listing them. Just for fun and a reminder for myself.

First job was as a bakery assistant at Presto in the market square of Sunderland. I was then a warehouse manager at the same place. Great first job. I got this after doing a weeks work experience while still at school. Started as a 'Saturday lad'. 

Second job was as a Bakery manager at the Fullwell Presto. I still have no idea how to bake. 

Third job was at Warburtons, the bread company. I'd passed my driving test 6 weeks prior (they didnt check, just asked if I had points) and got a job driving their vans and delivering bread. 

Fourth job was as a warehouse worker for WHSmiths in Sunderland sorting orders of newspapers and magazines etc. 

Fifth job was in addition to working at WHSmiths and was as a Pallbearer for a funeral director in Sunderland. I'd carry the coffins from the hearse to the church/crematorium/graveyard and drive the limousines and hearse. Sobering job at times, but, and I always feel like apologising when I say this, it was also a tad light hearted and, as bad as it sounds, a giggle. Never at the expense of the dead or relatives, though. 

Sixth job was working with Darren, my brother, fitting windows, doors and conservatories. Mostly conservatories. 

Seventh job was as a taxi driver for Station taxis in Sunderland. Night-shift for seven years. Tough job at times. 

Eighth job was a bit of a switch when I became a Teacher of English and Castle View school employed me. 

Ninth job was another switch when I got the job as Higher Executive Officer at HMRC. No idea how I got it and I still have no clue about tax. I investigated the wealthy people. Like, properly rich and some famous! Mad innit? For two years I completely winged it there. 😆

Tenth job was as an English teacher again at an SEMH school - I missed teaching terribly. Just a brilliant place with amazing staff and incredibly amazing kids. They threw promotions at me like confetti at a wedding. That's the 'imposter syndrome' kicking in a bit there - I got that when I first started university and again when I started as a teacher - it rears its head now and again. Weird. 😉

Eleventh job was a result of said promotions and I'm now an Assistant Head Teacher at the school. 

I've thoroughly enjoyed each and every job I've had.* It has always been the people there that make the place enjoyable and less of a chore. I've been lucky here again because I've worked with some genuinely lovely people and some hilarious people. Many of whom are still my friends and in contact. If you're reading this and know me directly from one of the above places of work, its you! You're the lovely one! Or the hilarious one. Or the one I bounced off with daft banter. Golden, the lot of you. 😊

Never sure how much to write or end these blogs with. That's probably enough for this one. It's hard to tell - I'm writing this using my phone and an app. 

Ta-ra

*That's not strictly true. There were many times when I truly hated driving a taxi on night-shift. There were genuine moments of fear for my safety and numerous other times where people saw you as worthless and treated you with utter contempt. I may dig deeper into some of those encounters in a later blog. Maybe...probably...its likely...