Still here

My intention from the outset of doing these blogs was to only mention and update on my cancer progress, but it seems to have forced its way in and, not dominated, but been more of a focus that I'd have liked.  This blog is going to be purely about the bastard. I'll give it the spotlight this once.  CT Scan results: Shit. The results are proper shit. That about covers it, really. 😉 The chemotherapy treatment hasn't and isn't working. In fact, all areas of tumours, and new sites, are positively thriving. If you threw a bucket of darts at my body core, you'll likely hit a bit of my creepy companion. So, the chemo has been stopped. It sounds obvious, doesn't it? I still felt the need to ask and make sure.  Yep, no more chemo! Yay! It's a tricky one this and difficult to get happy about either way. Having chemo gives you some hope - not having it, or rather knowing that it is now pointless, is more than a little disheartening. As much as I hated chemo, and I rea...

Tuesday of this week saw me have a CT scan. I haven't got a date for the results appointment yet but they're usually about a week or two after the scan.  'Scanxiety' is a word I heard from a fellow cancer patient some time ago and referred to their fears and build up of anxiety prior to having a scan. I'm pretty sure I didn't get 'scanxiety' at the time or prior to hearing it, but it made sense, I understood what it meant to them and sympathised. It reminded me of the 'Smondays', which was a word used by some staff at Castle View when I worked there. That feeling on a Sunday night where panic and doubt sets in and you question everything you've done in preparation for the days and week ahead. Then panic more and sprinkle some stress over it all for flavour. That, I used to get. It ruined whole weekends, not just the Sunday evening. *I need to return to this at some point, so please remind me.* The scanxiety feeling stayed away for years, even...